Thursday, March 14, 2013

State Of Mind

It is about a day on which spirits are very high. I feel very secured. World around me looks so beautiful. This season appears as if it was showing its best colours. Life is full of hope and happiness. The next day when my boss who the is significant one in my employment felt that he was unhappy with my work, approach, speed, etc.  I felt as if the ground below me is shaking or even began to sink.  The pain of being unemployed, the absence of continuous flow in to my bank account, the bills that I need to pay, the EMI and all the needs of my family that I shall meet appear as haunting images in my mind.  I questioned my ability to go along without a job, the answer is a big NO.  I looked at my property and it smiled at me.  It restored the peace in my mind.  I can sell it off and live on the interest of the money that I get from the sale proceeds.  Oh what a relief.  I felt really relieved of all the inconvenience. 
Next day, my Boss approved my draft, listened to my articulations and yet advised me to speed up.  He gave a kind of comfort and I am happy.  As I reached home, I wondered as to who is controlling my life.  I understood that I am not controlling my life.  I read the books that I passionately bought to read, I got answers.  I listened to the discourses that I downloaded, I again got the answers.  But these answers are not so easy to digest.  They appear so simple but when I inserted them them into my mind as my answers they become complicated. But they sent out a ray of hope that they are the real answers and I am on the right path. 
An outsider came and challenged me in an intellectual manner. Demanded me to work 24x7 like a mad man!!  Again I got disturbed.  In the meeting that I had with him I  remembered the answers that I inserted that I only can control my life none other and I shall give my best and do not worry about the results.  I told him I shall do my best.  I got a peculiar courage to face this obnoxious, malicious, vexatious and non-nonsensically commercial fellow!!  I found that life poses new threats, challenges, fears and faces that we do not like to look at. All that I need to do is to recall the answers.  But when some utters at myself unpleasant words these answers get engulfed by my emotions.  To retrieve these answers I take so much time. 
I experienced the facts like a situation where I felt secured became suddenly unsecured.  I believed that something is assured but suddenly it became very doubtful.  I encountered situations where a wise decision taken by another laughed at my inaction!  I found some one with a similar financial status   became so comfortable because he took a right decision when I rationalized it with many things.  Even now I rationalize my loss in many words and this  causes many times confusion.   Yet my answers that I can control my life and I need to give only my best became my only friends in need.